I have been helping my dad work on his personal history and pondering the arc of a life where seemingly small events became pivotal moments that have reverberated through generations.  While sorting through a box of papers, I ran across a letter I had written to my missionary brother almost twenty seven years ago describing a night that had occurred several years earlier.  I had graduated from college, started my first full time job and was feeling that the Lord had led me to a place I did not want to be. 

 

“I was not happy.” I wrote, “I was shocked to find thoughts of doubt creeping into my mind.  I wanted my own will so badly that I couldn’t see clearly.  I remember one night spent crying, not only tears of unhappiness but tears of anger.  I was startled to realize that I was following the road of pride and destruction.  I had always felt that no matter what I would be faithful, nothing could shake me, but here I was shaken over something so small….I straightened up…I have learned so much.  I am so much stronger.  I have never been happier in my life.  I marvel at how good the Lord is to me and am so grateful that my will was not exerted over the Lord’s plan for me.  He has blessed and prospered me in ways I had not thought possible.  He has given me marvelous opportunities.  I am so grateful.” (June 26, 1997)

 

I recounted the story to my brother to explain a new situation I was facing.  While praying for a much hoped for outcome, I received a prompting that I believed ran counter to my desires.  I “had myself a good cry [as] my mind struggled between what I wanted and what I had been impressed to do. The Lord has never harmed me.  He has blessed, prospered, loved and protected me, and this situation is not an exception….The desires of my heart will not go unfulfilled.  I have felt at peace.  The last three years have taught me how to be faithful….As the hymn goes, ‘We doubt not the Lord nor His goodness, we have proved Him in days that are past.'” (Ibid)

 

Now, with nearly three decades of hindsight, the wisdom of God in that moment astounds me.  We can trust in the Lord and His goodness. He knows and loves us more than we can understand.  He wants our happiness more than we want it ourselves.  “Wherefore, let us be faithful to him.” (1 Nephi 7:12)